The Secret Society of Warriors
Why is there so much shame in miscarriage? It’s something that is often whispered to one another in secret. Usually, after one person has revealed to the other that they have experienced a miscarriage the other woman feels ok revealing that they have had one as well. It’s almost as if you’ve whispered a secret password to the other and you instantaneously become inducted into this exclusive club. Because no one talks about it, when you are on this journey you often feel alone. You are not alone. Every 1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility and every 1 in 4 women suffer from miscarriage/pregnancy loss.
If it is so common, why is there so much shame associated with it? My take. I didn’t necessarily feel ashamed but I did feel like a failure at some point. How could all those around me have healthy pregnancies? Why was I the 1 that could not carry to term? What was I not doing? These were the questions that ran through my mind. After being inducted into this secret club, I realized there were more women in the same boat. Even women that had experienced loss but now have healthy babies. Their testimonies have helped to give me strength and hope. In their stories, I had my aha moment. We do not always have the privilege of seeing others journey but that doesn’t mean that they did not have to endure trials and tribulations to reach their destinations. Also, although they have gotten their rainbow babies that also doesn’t mean they’re not fighting the same battle that you are secretly and alone. We can never judge the other by the story that we know or what they’ve let us see because we may unknowingly be fighting beside them.